


Snowfall

by reclusiveq



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 17:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1613168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reclusiveq/pseuds/reclusiveq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Steve end up alone at a ski lodge, after the rest of the avengers back out of the weekend getaway. Bucky's glad for the chance to have Steve to himself, but will they be able to finally admit their feelings for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky sighed as he looked around at the lavish ski lodge. Of course Tony had booked it just for them. There wasn't a single civilian around, even though the weather was perfect for skiing. There may have been people at other lodges, but not here.

It was supposed to have been a trip for everyone, but Bruce had had a conference he was presenting at, Clint and Natasha were off on assignment somwhere, and Tony... Well, Tony hadn't made an excuse. He'd just declared as soon as they arrived that he had to leave.

That left just Steve and Bucky alone here and Bucky wasn't stupid. That had been Tony's plan all along, if Bucky was any judge. Tony promised they'd all show up at some point during the weekend.

Really, though, Bucky couldn't complain. Apart from Nat and Steve, Bucky still wasn't comfortable around everyone. And he wasn't at all sorry to have Steve to himself for a change.

They'd been reunited for a year now. During that year, Bucky had done a lot of healing and while he still struggled daily with what he'd done while under Hydra's control, at least he had started to lead some semblance of a normal life. At least as normal as a brainwashed super assassin could hope to have.

He glanced over at Steve, bundled up against the cold. Even now, when the chill would do him no harm, he still dressed warmly. Bucky wondered if that was leftover from his time as a sickly child, or if it was a product of his more recent trauma of being frozen for seventy years. 

"Steve, did you see the room we're meant to be sharing? That bastard Tony gave us a room with one bed."

Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky smiled. Steve had always been serious around others, but when they were kids, they'd always joked around. It felt a bit like old times again. "Yeah, I'm sure he thinks he's hilarious. Is it at least a king?"

Shaking his head, Bucky grinned. "A queen."

Steve choked and Bucky caught a faint blush colour his cheeks. "Great. It's fine. I'll sleep on the floor."

"Oh come on. It'll be like when we were kids, and I'm sure it's still big enough for both of us." Bucky cuffed Steve's shoulder gently. "Come on, go put your stuff away. I'll get us some hot cocoa."

"Sounds good." Steve took his stuff up to their room.

By the time he came back down, Bucky was sitting in a tank top in front of the fireplace, two cups of steaming chocolate on the coffee table in front of him. He caught Steve's wince and had a moment of sel-consciousness. The scar tissue from where his metal arm met the flesh was clearly visible, as were other scars. Bucky had only recently gotten comfortable with Steve seeing them, and he definitely hadn't let anyone see.

Not only that, but the red star that still marked him as a soviet killer suddenly seemed to glare in the firelight. He started to reach for the long-sleeved shirt he'd shed when Steve spoke. "How can you wear that? Aren't you cold?"

Bucky relaxed and chuckled. "Not really." He decided not to mention that decades of being a frozen popsicle had desensitized him to the even the most extreme cold. In fact, it was the heat he had issues with these days. "I can't believe you're still bundled up. It's not that cold." 

Steve shrugged and sat down next to Bucky. Bucky smiled to see he had his art supplies with him. “You know, I never said, but I like that you still draw. I’d always hoped you’d do something with it.”

That earned Bucky a smile. Steve ran a finger along the cover of his sketchbook. “I stopped for a long time,” he admitted. “Just couldn’t bring myself to pick it back up again after I woke up. But things have gotten better for me now.”

“That’s good.” Bucky sipped his cocoa.

“What about you?” Steve looked over. “I mean, you could do anything you want now. So what does Bucky Barnes want to do with his life?”

Bucky looked thoughtful, then shrugged. “I like cars. Remember the one Howard showed?”

Steve smiled fondly at the memory. “Yeah. We were supposed to have flying cars by now, weren’t we?”

Bucky chuckled. “Guess his priorities shifted.” Neither of them mentioned the fact that Howard was now dead, or that it was Bucky’s fault. They’d been over that too many times to count. That, perhaps more than any of his other kills, had hit Bucky the hardest. Bucky swallowed and changed the subject.

“So I was thinking tomorrow we could go snowboarding.”

“Why not start with skiis?”

“Snowboarding is easier for me. And more fun.”

Steve stared at him. “You know how to snowboard?”

“There’s a lot that I know how to do that most people don’t give me credit for. I… worked in heavy snow areas for a while. It required creative means of getting around. This’ll be the first time I get to just have fun with it though.” Maybe not the first time. Before, when he was brainwashed, there had still been a certain thrill that he found during these moments. He never let it show. If Hydra had had any indication that he wasn’t completely under their thumb, it would be back to the chair and then into cryo.

“Well, then, you’ll have to teach me how. I’ve never been.”

Bucky grinned. “Yeah, you always preferred beach weather. I mean look at you now. You could at least take the jacket off.”

Steve blushed a bit. “I have bad memories of the cold.” He glanced over at Bucky. “Maybe not all bad.” He looked away quickly, but Bucky hadn’t imagined the look of longing in his eyes. But it was gone almost as quickly.

Bucky hid a smile. Maybe he wasn’t the only one with these feelings. He shifted and sat on the table as Steve started to sip his own drink. “Do you need a model?”

Steve sputtered a bit. “What?”

“For your drawing. I could model for you. Like I used to.” Bucky smiled. This felt a bit like old times. He rested his arms on this legs and leaned forward. “How’s this?”

“Fine,” Steve swallowed, then set his cup down and opened his sketchbook. It wasn’t long before Steve’s face shifted into that look of concentration that Bucky remembered so well. Why that look stuck out so much against all the myriad of other memories, both good and bad, bewildered Bucky a bit. He’d remembered a lot, but there was still so much that he wasn’t sure of.

But this look of Steve’s… It felt like home. Steve looked content and at ease… as though there were no problems. Bucky remembered these moments, where the issues of his health, where their next meal would come from faded into nothingness. This was a place where it was just them. No one and nothing else existed in these moments.

Bucky remembered that clearly. Worries melted away and Bucky smiled, remembering. His smile slowly faded though. Things were getting back to normal, but it seemed their roles had reversed now. This past year, it had been Steve taking care of Bucky. Those first few months after Steve had found Bucky sleeping in a back alley, half mad with the worst of the memories… They hadn’t been pleasant. Steve had saved Bucky, even though there were times that Bucky had wished he hadn’t. 

He had problem been at his most dangerous then, a wild animal trapped with no way out. A part of him wanted to just return to Hydra and beg them to wipe him again, another part just wanted to put himself out of his misery.

Thankfully, neither of those sides had won. Just like the chivalrous punk he was, Steve had found him in the nick of time and helped pull him out of the darkness. But there was no going back to the way things used to be. 

Unconsciously, Bucky touched his metal arm. He would always have this as a reminder of just how much things had changed. More than that, though, he was going to use it as a reminder of what he was fighting against.


	2. Chapter 2

They barely fit in the queen together. After all, they had both buffed up since they were kids and a bed this size, that would have been too large before, was now just barely big enough. As it was, when Bucky woke in the morning, he found they were tangled up together among the sheets and blankets. Steve had stolen most of them and he was still snoring softly as Bucky extracted himself from the mess. His foot caught though, and he overbalanced as he tried to pull free, toppling over and knocking down the lamp on his way to the floor.

He heard a stifled laugh from the bed and grumbled. “That was graceful,” Steve’s voice came, muffled from the blankets. Bucky got up and grabbed his pillow, launching it at Steve’s head. He was rewarded with another muffled laugh.

“I’m taking a shower,” he announced. “And then we’re going to have breakfast and go snowboarding.” It felt odd to issue an order, even in jest, but he didn’t back down. He got to the bathroom and stripped down, not even looking at himself in the mirror. He still couldn’t do that. He knew what he would see and he wasn’t ready for it.

While he was in the shower, he heard Steve come in and start cleaning up himself. The shower door was frosted, at least, but Bucky could still see Steve’s silhouette. He watched it out of the corner of his eye, the way Steve moved with precision… it was so military, but there was a grace to it also. 

Bucky blushed a bit and went back to focusing on his shower, turning the water to cold to help with the reaction his body was having to Steve. He waited until Steve left before getting out and drying off.

By the time they got out to the slopes, Bucky had gotten himself back under control. If that had involved a bit of winter soldier training, then so be it. It was better than the alternative. He suspected Steve might have the same feelings, but Bucky would have to let Steve make the first move. Otherwise Bucky would have no way of knowing whether he was just taking that step to please Bucky.

Steve was awkwardly putting on his board. “Is this right?” 

Bucky smiled and helped him. “Slide your feet in here and here. Now find your balance as you stand up.” Steve got to an upright position and wobbled for a moment before finding his balance. He gave Bucky a lop-sided smile. “Now what?”

“Wait a moment and let me get mine on. Then we’ll work on moving.” Bucky would have preferred to be on a better slope, but this was the best one for Steve to practice on. He got himself settled and stood with ease. “Now shift your weight forward slightly. That’ll move you downhill. Shift your weight to your back foot to slow down or stop.”

They started slowly, Bucky moving with a bit more grace than Steve, but Steve was picking it up pretty quickly. Pretty soon, they were moving down the easy slope at a decent pace. Not too fast, but not agonizingly slow either. Steve was grinning ear to ear. 

“This wasn’t too bad,” he said as they reached the bottom.

“We haven’t even gotten to the good slopes yet,” Bucky teased.

“Oh really. You want to race?”

“Don’t tempt me, ya punk.” Bucky was grinning himself, his earlier worries forgotten now that he was just enjoying himself. “Besides, no way you could beat me.”

“Well, I’ve got the hang of this. Let’s go to a harder slope and race.”

“You’re on.”

Back at the top of the mountain, Bucky chose the next slope. He decided to be nice to Steve and chose one of the medium difficulty slopes. This one was a little steeper and had a few more trees. 

Bucky slipped his goggles on and smiled at Steve. “Ready, old man?”

“Don’t make me get my cane.”

They started. This was the moment, knowing that Steve could handle himself, that Bucky could really let go. He put his weight forward and sped down the hill, hitting turns with an agility and speed that would have even made a professional take notice. He didn’t do any fancy tricks - neither his board nor the slope were really made for it, but he still felt good by the time he reached the bottom.

Steve showed up a short while later, breathless and in awe. “Wow, Buck. That was… That was just amazing. Seriously.”

Bucky flushed at the compliment and shifted. “Told you I was good.”

“That was not just good. That was great.”

His face bright red, Bucky shrugged, but inside he was glowing. His heart felt warm and he had a sudden urge to kiss Steve. He told himself it was just the adrenaline. “Years of practice. I bet you’d be good with some practice too. Want to go once more before it gets too dark? I’ll even go easy on you this time. We can also get some food up the hill before our last go.”

Steve chuckled. “Sure.”

 

Bucky frowned at the sky as he strapped his board back onto his feet. It looked dangerous. “We need to get back to the lodge fast. Those are storm clouds coming in.”

Steve followed his gaze. “Can we make it in time?” Bucky could hear the hint of worry in his voice. He glanced back at the restaurant. “Honestly, we should probably stay here, but they closed up the restaurant already. There’s a shelter halfway down the hill. We’ll head for that.” It would be slightly off the ski slope, but it had been placed there for this sort of thing. “Let’s hurry though.”

Steve nodded and hurried. As they sped down the slope, Bucky kept an eye on Steve. He could tell this weather was making him nervous. It probably should have made Bucky nervous too, but like he’d told Steve, he was used to it.

The wind picked up, blowing snow everywhere. Bucky didn’t go very far from his friend as the visibility dropped. He was starting to worry that they had missed the small cabin, but then it loomed up out of the driving snow. Bucky stopped and unstrapped himself, making sure Steve got inside first before following after him. 

They had to force the door closed, but once it was shut, the howling died down. Bucky glanced at Steve. His friend was pale as a ghost. Without thinking, Bucky hurried over and touched him. “You’re freezing. Sit down. I’ll get a fire started.” 

He pushed Steve to a seat, then knelt down by the fireplace. It didn’t take him long to get the fire going. Soon, the small den was a cozy temperature. Bucky peeled off his jacket, then helped Steve off with his. Steve gave him a rueful smile. “A bit like old times, huh?”

“Yeah. I shouldn’t have asked you to go again. You get cold too easily. Even now.”

“You just… I haven’t seen you have that much fun since we were kids. It was nice.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Bucky said, snapping a bit. He started to rub Steve’s arms, then stopped. His metal arm would just make it worse. He stepped away. “It was enough for me to just be around you.”

Steve looked at him, a little irritated. “You’ve always taken care of me, but I don’t need that anymore. You need to start taking care of yourself now.”

Bucky looked at Steve a long time. That was the crux of the matter. Steve didn’t need Bucky anymore. “No… I guess you don’t need me anymore,” he said, keeping his voice steady. He walked to a cupboard and pulled out two blankets, throwing them both at Steve. Wordlessly, he left Steve alone by the fire and climbed up to the cold loft.

He was surprised to find tears stinging his eyes. Outside, the wind howled. It was louder up here. There was only a thin mattress here, without any sheets or blankets. Ideally, they would have made up the bed and slept here, but Bucky decided he didn’t need anything to keep himself warm. He closed his eyes, feeling the cold settle into his skin. It felt a bit like going back into cryo and for some odd reason, that comforted him.

 

He woke to Steve’s concerned face and his voice calling for him. Steve had wrapped Bucky up completely. “Steve, what’re you….”

“You jerk.” Bucky was surprised to hear the anger and worry behind those words. “I thought…. You were so cold and you were barely breathing. I thought you were…”

That caused Bucky to blink. “I felt like I was back in cryo,” he said quietly. And then he admitted something he never had before. “I liked it. Those times when I was frozen. No one demanding anything. No feeling. Nothing. Just… calm.”

Steve took a shuddering breath. “I said I didn’t need to be cared for anymore. Not that I didn’t need you. I always needed you.”

Bucky sat up slowly and turned so he was facing Steve. “I know you’ve been worried about me, but you need to understand something. Steve, I need you to understand me.” He placed his hands on Steve’s shoulders, searching for some hint that Steve felt the same. “God help me, I need you. I need you more than life itself. It’s always been you, Steve.”

“I know, Bucky. I….”

“No, you don’t know,” Bucky interrupted. He chewed his lip for a moment, then decided he was tired of holding back. He leaned in and kissed Steve.

It was everything Bucky had imagined it would be. Steve’s lips tasted sweet and salty all at the same time, and it was great. Steve didn’t respond at first, but Bucky was beyond caring. Steve eventually pulled away and looked at him. “Bucky…”

But it wasn’t resistance that Bucky saw in Steve’s eyes right then. Steve wanted this as much as Bucky. “You told me to take care of myself,” Bucky said, pushing Steve over backwards. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

It was a little rough and very awkward, and perhaps a bit quick, but it satisfied Bucky at least. Steve had let Bucky lead, but he had been an active partner. Bucky felt a little guilt, but after they were done, he found reassurance as Steve wrapped his arms around him and held him close.

“I love you,” Steve whispered to him. “I always have.”

“Same. You’re the one I came back for.”

“I’m just glad I know now. I’ll be damned if I let you go again.”

“You’re still a punk. My punk.”


End file.
